


Baby blues

by Anonymous



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Again, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brian being a supportive love, Domestic Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Mpreg, Nightmares, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 19:32:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17331044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Set in the same verse as Happiest day of my life and Lullaby, but can be read on its own.Roger's pregnant, and he gets sad and insecure often. This is five times he was feeling blue and Brian cheering him up, plus the one time he was able to return the favor.





	Baby blues

1.

Roger felt like absolute crap. Like a piece a gum that had been chewed until near disintegration, then thrown on the sidewalk and then stepped on by someone's shoe. He had been throwing up practically anything he ate for the last two weeks, achy and sore all over, and so terribly dizzy sometimes he even had trouble to play the drums.

“Rog, please, let me in. I'm worried.” That was Brian's voice on the other side of the door.

Brian was (logically) worried that Roger may be seriously sick, that he could have some terrible condition that was causing him to be so poorly. He could see it in the taller man's eyes, how worried he was, and he kept bugging him to go to a doctor... But the thing was, Roger already knew what was wrong with him, and was scared stiff to tell Brian.

Sure, they had mentioned that they'd like to have kids one day... but not with each other. Not now. They were young and Queen was getting more popular... Now was probably not the time to have a kid. But it had happened, and Roger couldn't help but love the idea of having a child with the guitarist, of being a young parent. But this could ruin things with Brian, he knew and they'd been so good together lately...

“Roger, I am begging you...”

But he couldn't draw it out any longer, this was not fair on Brian. Sure, he probably would feel awkward about the whole thing, said that “he had a responsibility now” bout wouldn't want to have sex with him anymore because look what happened, and they would grow colder with each other, and then the great thing they had would end, like every relationship Roger had before... He was nearly in tears when he opened the door, and it only made Brian more worried.

“You have to call a doctor, Rog, I...”

“No. I know what's wrong with me.”

“You do?” Brian's face was one of pure dread.

“Bri, I... I'm pregnant.”

And then Brian's face changed to one of pure relief, making Roger very confused.

“Oh, thank heavens! I thought you were dying and that was why you wouldn't tell me! I looked up the symptoms for leukaemia and so many things, that's... that's such good news.”

“You... you don't mind?”

“I'm just so happy it's nothing that will kill you, as I feared. And wow, a baby! What... what do you want to do, Rog? You want to keep it? Because let me tell you, I would be thrilled to have a kid with you, but it's your decision, and I promise to stand by you through anything.... I'm with you. Always.”

Roger bit his lip, embraced his lover. That was exactly what he'd needed to hear, and now he felt a million times better. Not a gum in a shoe, but an entire drum solo. So, so much better.

 

2.

 

“Go away, I'm gross. I'm the grossest thing in the universe.”

Okay, so morning sickness had hit Roger pretty bad. A lot of days he was sick all throughout the day, and had to spend hours on end thrown on the couch with something warm on his horribly unsettled stomach and a bucket nearby. Everything made him throw up, sometimes even water. It was making do anything else in his life very difficult.

He'd thrown up in front of other people, too, which made him feel embarrassed and very gross. Freddie and John had been very supportive and made him feel better with humour and not putting him on the spot, but Brian's dad had looked so terribly worried and asked so many million times if there was anything he could do... He felt awful that he was worrying everyone with his constant puking, and he felt like he must smell of vomit 24/7, which was the ultimate grossness.

No matter how many times he brushed his teeth, he felt he couldn't get rid of that awful smell, that awful sensation. Just exactly what he needed, after so many days feeling so bad, waking up just to race to the toilet, not being able to even stomach the smell of some of his favourite foods.. And now he smelled like vomit and he was super gross and this morning sickness thing seemed that was going to last forever.

“I taste like throw up. You don't want to kiss that, and there's nothing you can say...” Roger's self-loathing tirade was interrupted by a loving kiss, right on the lips.

Brian's eyes shone as he he said:

“You taste like Roger. Which happens to be my favourite flavour.”

And that enough to make even the grossest thing in the universe smile.

 

3.

 

Roger looked down at his pants, sad and angry. He was incredibly upset, even if he knew he had no reason to, even if he had known this was coming. This was the last pair of non-maternity pants that fit, and now they wouldn't close. Those trousers had betrayed him, and so had his ever-increasing belly.

This wasn't right. He was a rockstar, for god sakes! He was a teen idol, and there were girls with posters of him on the walls. He ha posed shirtless for a myriad of photographers and uncountable fans had lusted over him. And that was the way he liked it, he loved being pretty, he liked people getting entranced with his beauty. But now... He was big, and he was only going to get bigger and bigger. He felt like one of those middle-aged truckers who lived on bad food, he felt like he had let himself go.

He felt ugly. And he hated the feeling. And he didn't want to be so upset over this, looking at that zipper as if it had killed both his parents and then spat on him. Brian walked in on his crisis.

“It won't fit.” Roger said, close to tears.

Brian just hushed him, told him it was okay to be upset. This was a big change, and it would take some getting used to. But still, there was something he needed to say, a feeling he needed to communicate...He spoke, in a sing song voice, to his lover:

“ _Every time you're feeling bad_

_I just want you to remember that_

_I absolutely love that you're fat_..”

This became the official theme tune for the rest of the pregnancy, especially the last months. He may be enormous and feeling like he looked terrible.. But then he thought of Brian's voice, repeating those stupid lyrics, and it always brought a smile to his face.

 

4.

 

Roger was nearly eight months pregnant and big as a whale when he had the worst nightmare he ever remembered. He was out there partying, and having the time of his life, when he remembered that he'd never put out the cigarette that he'd been smoking... He'd been so busy with his drums and answering questions from the journalists, and getting back there, that.... He raced back home, and it was on fire. Big, huge flames, consuming everything. Somehow, his dream self was able to enter the house through the flames... only to find a carbonised tiny body on a crib.

He woke up screaming, and then he was sick for so long that there were tears in his eyes. It had felt so real, he'd seen... And it had all been his fault, because he hadn't been responsible enough, because he wasn't good enough to be anyone's parent, because he was a liability, and oh, god, this poor kid didn't deserve him, he deserved something better...

Brian was there in seconds, singing soft nothings, caressing his face and belly, being the soothing presence he always was. God, how lost would Roger be without him.

“Rog, tell me. What did you dream?”

“I... I killed him. I didn't mean to, but I was careless and he died, our baby died, Brian, because of me...What if I hurt him? What if I'm not good enough...I...”

“It was just a nightmare, love, everyone has them. I just goes to show how much you care and how much you want our son to be safe, even from you. He'll be fine, you'll be great, and even when you aren't, you'll always have me. Between the two of us, we'll manage through anything. Ok?”

“I don't want to go back to sleep, I can't go back to bed, Bri...”

“Put on some clothes. This is the perfect moment to go see some stars.”

 

5.

 

Roger was having a lot of those fake contractions, but didn't want to tell Brian because he knew he would worry an he didn't want to worry him. But the truth was, Roger was terrified of giving birth. He wanted to go back to his usual lean self, and he couldn't wait to see his boy's face (would he had Brian's dark hair? His big blue eyes? Who would he resemble more?) but the whole process in the middle... Scared him.

Just this fake ones could get quite painful, how were the real ones going to be? What if he couldn't handle it? What if he wasn't strong enough to go through the whole thing properly, and his son died while trying to get out? What if he didn't breathe properly, or he didn't know how to push...

He was a musician, who liked cars and getting drunk. He was quick-tempered and impatient and didn't do well with criticisms, or any other things that brought him pain. How would he deal with a very long process that was going to be extremely painful? He was so scared, for the baby, and for him too.

Despite the great medical advancements, there were still people who died at childbirth. And he didn't want to die, not when he still had hos whole life ahead of him, when he had Brian and he had Queen.. He wanted to do so many things, he wanted to travel the world, do a solo album, play with the greatest artists. And he needed to meet his son, be there in his life, hell, maybe even teach him how to drum...

When he went to Brian he didn't dismiss his fears and told him that “everything was going to be fine” or “don't worry about it”, but told him that he was a bit scared of it himself. It was... nice knowing that he wasn't alone, that he could be afraid as he was. Brian made everything in his power to make their fear decrease, though: called up a great doctor, read up on the subject....Somehow, he always knew what to do, how to find the perfect way to fix things.

It was going to be very hard. But together... they would make it through – like they always did.

 

+1

 

The morning after giving birth, Roger woke up to someone caressing his hand, and the sound of some soft sobbing. It was Brian, and he was crying, and they were not tears of joy. Roger panicked and quickly checked on the baby – but he was perfectly fine, sleeping on the crib.

“Bri, what's wrong?”

It turned out that Brian's very logical mind had made him think some horrible thoughts.

“If I had arrived two, three hours later, you would have bled out. If we had been on the road, not close to a hospital, you would have died. Do you understand how close you were to that? I...I nearly lost it, Rog. If something had happened to you...”

“Don't even think about that. I'm with you. Always.”

And that was all that was needed. A familiar phrase, soft blue eyes, the love of your life asking you to lay beside him on a hospital bed.

The perfect cure to chase the blues away.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am full of anxiety, and somehow writing for this verse... distracts me from life and its horror. I really do hope that you're enjoying all of this. 
> 
> Again, comments mean the world :)


End file.
